In Memoriam for RICHARD NEIL MEEK!

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RICK MEEK
Rick Meek Ocean Beach 2004

In Memoriam for RICHARD NEIL MEEK
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a sad day ---the end of a family
     
     
     
     
     
     
 
     
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

I like that you bring the flask of rum & coke to these visits.
Just wish you could share a little with me instead of pouring it on me!
But I sure do appreciate the gesture.
Gives me good memories of your kinky ways.
You know, that of all the women in my life you always managed to keep me “grounded” – no pun intended.

I’m in this dark place now......can’t explain it.
Now, I hear your voice and it gets me to thinking about our last visit.
I should have been a better man and accepted that reality when it was too late.
I emotionally bankrupted all my relationships except for you.
I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I was leaving but I couldn’t risk having you emotionally bankrupt yourself giving back all the years we invested in each other.
I know you understand.
Something to do with that unconditional love bullcrap you tried to feed me all those years.
Didn't think I knew what you were saying? Fooled ya..... I was listening, kiddo.

DID I MAKE YOU SMILE JUST NOW?


Listen ~~~ since I’ve been here you’ve been my only visitor. Kiddo,
I hated it when you told me the truth and didn’t sugar coat the situation.
Still you hung in there while I made you the target of my anger.
I should have been a better man but only accepted that reality when it was too late.
Yep, I’m in that could have, should have stage of thinking.....Kick me, already!
I emotionally bankrupted all my relationships except for you.
You never gave up on me even when I gave up on me.

I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND.


I got it!
And you thought I wasn’t listening.
Keep smiling. I love it.

So here is where I end up. Nowhere! You think that’s funny?
I see that shit-eating grin of yours, I know.

Yep, I dug this hole I’m in. Now you’re laughing?
See, I still know how to make you laugh.
Good on ya!

I’ve been working on some after life issues as I mentioned in our last visit.
I’m contemplating the idea of a DO OVER.
Negotiators from the here after must have me on a waiting list to consider that idea.
Maybe I haven’t learned enough of my mistakes to even warrant a DO OVER.

I know, I know, you and your goddamn wisdom about learning from my mistakes.
I always heard you. I always understood. I just didn’t take the time to deal with it.
Ironically when all was said and done I find myself with nothing but time.
Cheer up!
It could be worse.
I could be calling your ass to snivel and complain about my self-made dramas!

And just like now, you’d light up the pipe and pour me my rum & coke.
We could argue and talk for hours.
What a Ying & Yang we were! And yes, I love you and as I told you early on....You will always be mine!

A graveyard volunteer approaches the woman and asks:
“Would you like to buy some flowers?”
The woman politely dismisses the graveyard volunteer,
“No, he didn’t like flowers all that much, but thank you anyway.”

While the graveyard volunteer is still next to the woman’s side he gazes on the symmetry of the headstones and asks the question:
“Do you ever wonder what it would be like if they could talk to you after they’re gone?”

Before the graveyard volunteer leaves the woman’s side he asks:
“Do you ever wonder if they can hear you?”

The woman continues to stare away from the graveyard volunteer and with a heavy sigh responds:
“Who knows what anybody hears after they’re gone.”

The woman continues to stare away from the graveyard volunteer and with some slight levity he quips:
“If you did hear them then folks might think you were crazy, don’t you think?”

As the graveyard volunteer begins to walk away he shakes his head and reflects on his previous opine:
“Well I guess so.”
”Just depends on who’s doing the talking and who’s doing the listening, Right? Anyway.... Have a blessed day.”

Once the graveyard volunteer is out of listening range the woman smiles down at the headstone and smirks under her breath,
“Hey kiddo, I liked your idea of a DO OVER. “
“Hey Turkey guess what?....Finally I get the last word. See ya next week”.


If there’s a chance, a possibility then I’d like to put this out there. The Internet, the external knowledgebase of tomorrow, the whatever, that let me look at the past then this is for you. You will come across a life about yourself that is skewed by the dreams and hopes of those you affected. I hope to add to that vision to put some of it in perspective.

You left a son with a fantasy of what he wanted it to be. He took my pictures and distorted the reality to fill that fantasy. I don’t blame him. A dream is a powerful wish.

You were given a son to learn how to be a father. Since you never had a father this was an audacious undertaking given no reference.

You were given a daughter to learn about women. Perhaps that should have been the first born since it was your deceit and hurt by women that caused your demise. We will never know.

Ultimately, the son’s dream can never be fulfilled without dismissing the needs of the daughter. What a quandry.

When you get another chance to come back and get it right you can’t dismiss the 2 children that you spawned. They will always be. The trick will be to have them by a loving woman, and yes, possible women who will not tear the children to shreds for their own selfish needs.

To your son, he was victimized by wife 3.
To your daughter, she was victimized by wife 1.

Kiddo, you never could pick the right woman to share your life. Had you resolved the experiences with your Mom, possible salvation. You and I both had atrocious mothers. Easier for a daughter to say than a son. I now realize this. You and I both wanted families – a father. Mama’s boy is what I remember them calling you in high school. An unfair characterization but in some fashion that label was your weakness. You were a sucker for her bad behaviour. So much that I’m sure it affected your choice in women.

In the 70’s when women were somewhat achieving sexual liberation you got suckered into impregnating a woman who had no character but to get pregnant in order to quit the service. Poor her. Sucker you. But, I do admire you for stepping up and taking responsibility for making a baby with a psycho bitch – wife 1.

A then the rebound relationship with wife 2. Poor girl, she didn’t see it coming. At least you stayed with her longer than wife 1. Your son and yourself were financially elevated by wife 2. Your ungrateful son has a brainwashed memory of a lesser life. Of course, spewed by wife 1.

You and wife 3 were never a match. The signs were there but again out of desparation you choose another psycho. You made a horrible decision by choosing wife 3 over your son. Again, the signs you always missed.

You and wife 1 were a possible match – again you missed the psycho factor.

When marriage 3 was on the rocks – rather early on – say when your daughter was around 5 you stuck it out. You hate conflict and you sure didn’t want to be a 3x loser. Such a prideful man. But whenever your heart wonders it does so at your peril.

We have discussed this ad naseum but eventually agree – getting reinvolved with wife 1 was your downfall. Her agenda was self serving. Your daughter was in middle school. From that time till your death in 2007 you abandoned your daughter for wife 1. She knew that and did nothing to discourage you. Oh yeah, she was kind enough to “let you wait to divorce” your wife 3 when daughter graduated from high school. Funny thing is you only filed for a legal separation. Good on ya. And then you found out you had a brain tumor.

He was not a perfect man. He was not a lucky man. For what its worth he was my friend and I loved him in spite of all his misjudgments and frailties.

Riverside National Cemetery - California
Richard Neil Meek final resting

Richard Neil Meek final resting view Richard Neil Meek final resting view Richard Neil Meek final resting view
Richard Neil Meek cover


"Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill."
"Requiem" by Robert Louis Stevenson

 

 
 
 

 
 
 
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REST IN PEACE: October 3, 1950 - October 5, 2007

Last modified - September 15, 2018